Don't Be Average
You have more choices than you think. Your comfort zone are just the boundaries you crated. Our comfort zones are dynamic. Every time you push the boundaries it expands.
This week we are reviewing chapters 4 and 5 from The Illusion of Time, by Francois de Neuville, a Featured Innovator in the Fearless Journeys community. Francois will join us on a live session on December 18 at 7:00 PM ET. You may have already been sent a Google Calendar invite. Either way, please save the date and register here.
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In the first three chapters of this book, we have already learned 3 lessons:
We All Die Eventually
Don’t Die with a To-Do List
Suffering is Optional
I spoke with the author, Francois de Neuville by Zoom last week. This guy is not going to die with a to-do list. He spent about five months this year hiking from Mexico all the way up the Pacific Coast trail to the Canadian border. He described to me how he slept outdoors almost the entire way and walked about 30 miles a day along his journey. Now he’s trying to adjust back to living in cities as he and his wife settle into a city in Mexico at the moment. This particular adventure may not be for you, but he’s not leaving anything on HIS to-do list. What’s on yours?
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In Chapter 4, Francois tells us that sometimes in life we feel trapped, often without choices. If we are hopeful, we might at least hope life will be better in the future. And we might believe that, at that point, we’ll start having more choices.
There’s some truth in that.
But that doesn’t mean we can’t be making positive choices right now, even if they are not everything we hope life can be for us.
Francois sometimes remembers moments like this where he felt stuck in his own life. Today, he reflects on those times when he had those feelings and wonders: “Why would people wait for something to make them happy in the future when it might never happen?”
That’s why lesson 4 is: You Have More Choices Than You Think.
Our consumption culture makes us think that happiness comes from something external.
That’s false. Happiness comes from within.
What do YOU need to be happy? “Nothing,” answers Francois.
Of course, you can’t just choose to be happy in an instant and pretend that your struggles or challenges are not real.
“The choice you can make, though, is to acknowledge whatever you feel, understand the reason behind it, and still decide to focus on the good and do all the things that will lead you to happiness.”
The solution here is to enjoy what we already have and create more of what we can instead of something we can’t control or influence.
One thing that has made me feel gratitude for being born and raised in the United States is… leaving the United States. While I am always happy exploring other countries, I oftentimes realize just how good we have it in the U.S.A. But even if I was born and raised in another country, I am sure there are many things one there could find gratitude for. Maybe it’s the culture, the history, family, friends, or other opportunities.
People frequently ask me how I can go from saying how much I love Guatemala in one breath and then go on and on about another place I love like Argentina. I think the mindset I bring to this is just finding the good wherever I am. I think my fellow travelers are probably tired of hearing me say how “I could live in … [name the place].” The truth behind those frequent statements by me is not that I’m dissatisfied where I live most day of my life, but rather it’s that more of just the open mindset I bring to finding beauty and blessings of being wherever I am.
Of course, you don’t have to travel (or even move from city to city) to find happiness anywhere. There are plenty of people who find satisfaction in living in the same community their entire lives. They find the good of being part of a long, stable, loving community. #LoveWhereYouLive is one hashtag I’ve seen pop up on social media as people explore and enjoy their own communities where they live.
While we can certainly find plenty of things to complain about, there is so much to be inspired by in the world we live in today. We live in a world of true abundance, never before experienced in human history. Studying history and learning how people in the not too distant past lived will give you more appreciation for the ability of living in the world we inhabit today — the running water alone is worth it!
“Our reality is largely determined by what we focus on,” writes Francois. “This is a choice; you can focus on the lack or on the abundance.”
Feeling happy with what you have “is called gratitude,” he writes.
Francois encourages us to be more curious, to live with intentionality, and to start living a created live.
“I learned that you don’t find your purpose, you create it,” says Francois. “Make your purpose getting better at life. Work on yourself, understand who you are, figure out what you want to do, learn, experience, and figure out how you want to contribute. Things will eventually fall into place if you stay in motion.”
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By now Francois hopes you can answer this fundamental yet straightforward question: What do I really want out of life?
If you want things to be different, you are going to have to do things differently.
“I don’t believe anyone wants an average life,” writes Francois. “By average, I mean a life that doesn’t reflect your creative expression, your unique personality, or your desires. An average life is when you let everyone else choose but you.”
Ask yourself a few questions before moving forward:
What are you not choosing?
What are you ignoring?
Why? What is stopping you?
As we grow older, “we tend to stick to what we know and stay in our comfort zone,” says Francois. “We usually don’t handle uncertainty so well because our mind tries to keep us safe by default.”
But there’s a little hidden gem here when it comes to your comfort zone.
“Your comfort zone is dynamic. Every time you push the boundaries it expands.”
Think about every time you pushed those boundaries before. In fact, our entire life is built upon a foundation of previous boundaries that were pushed. Maybe we were afraid to ask someone on a date. Eventually, we got a date. Maybe that even led to marriage. Maybe we were afraid to go on a job interview. Eventually we did and we got that job. And then we got another, and another.
The idea of pushing past a new boundary naturally gives us fear.
Francois says that “Fear is just an anticipation of a potentially negative outcome. It’s made up.”
While you might look and see that some people act as if they are never afraid, don’t be fooled. The difference is those who act fearlessly have simply put in place a system to overcome the fear.
While fear is a natural emotion intended to keep us safe — almost all the other fears are actually made up.
“The bars of the cage of your comfort zone are made of fears. You set everything up; you can break it down too,” says Francois. “You can free yourself from your fears as much as you chained yourself to them.”
If you can conquer your fears, focus on pushing the boundaries and give yourself even more comfort in an expanded comfort zone, you will achieve the fruits from lesson five: Don’t Be Average.
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I hope as we approach Thanksgiving this week in the U.S.A. that you will find happiness through gratitude. We are unique nation in that once a year we pause all of our activities and sit around the table with loved ones and express our thanks for all we have.
During this week, be sure to take some time to read our next two chapters — chapters 6 and 7, which will take up only 17 pages of reading. As we stay on pace, we’ll complete the book before we gathering together online with the author, Francois de Neuville. Be sure to save the date of December 18 at 7:00 PM ET for our live online discussion with him over Zoom. Register here.